Friday Joke – Probably Been Heard Before

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A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.  As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won’t be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of cleaning out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.  As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do, and throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, “What’s the food like here?”

The other lion replies: “Absolutely brilliant, ….. today we had Fish and Chimps, with Mushy Bees..”

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It’s A Joke.

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Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!”

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going you bloody idiot!”

Here it comes..
“Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat”

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